Ok, the movie didn’t *suck* per se, but let’s call it…not so good.  I think if it didn’t have the Scully and Mulder we all knew and loved, the movie would have been utterly without point.  As it was, the Point was Out There.  I would say “I don’t want to ruin it for you”, but I think Chris Carter took care of that already.

Let’s see if I can rehash the “plot.”  It’s harder than one would think–it doesn’t make much sense.  Carter’s gift had always been obfuscation, but this is above and beyond…

An FBI agent gets kidnapped.  A “potential psychic” is supposedly leading the FBI to find her, but finds some guy’s arm instead.  The head of the case goes to find Scully, who is a doctor at a Catholic hospital, so that she can bring back Mulder, as he might be able to help.  Mulder and Scully have their own crises of faith going on at the moment (Mulder with his continuing search for his sister, Scully with her quest to save a little boy who is dying of some uncurible disease).  They battle back and forth a bit as to whether “Father Joe” is really a psychic, or just a convicted pedophile (he apparently “buggered 37 alter boys”), with Mulder believing as usual and Scully not until Scully has some sort of epiphany and suddenly isn’t sure what to believe.  The audience believes, of course, and is just waiting for Scully to admit what we all know is true, as usual.

And then it gets weird.  Apparently, all these missing persons (*spoiler alert!*) are being taken for their body parts because–and get this–a crazy Russian doctor is trying to help a male Russian organ transporter change the man he loves (and married in Massachusetts!) into a woman through transplanting the man’s head onto a woman’s body.  I guess they’re afraid of the law being repealed and one of them not being able to have access to his spouse’s company health care?   Anyway, these loons are carving people into pieces to try to graft body parts and build a woman.  IF I actually heard the line in the movie correctly, they’re hoping to have a baby.  *sigh*

So there you have it, for what it’s worth.  They dragged these characters out of cold storage for perhaps the silliest plot I’ve ever seen.  Sadly, there are two major things missing in this movie that made the show so brilliant:  creepiness and humor.  Honestly, the plot is so dumb that there’s just none of the suspenseful tingling you got when watching a good episode of The X-Files, and the movie wasn’t funny at all.  Some of the episodes were brilliantly funny.  The writing here was stale, forced, and just dull.

The Truth is over.

I really hope it doesn’t suck. The first movie was good, but not nearly as good as the show. When the show was good, it was fantastic. Even when it wasn’t that good, it was still fun.

TV Guide had a good article on the reunion, as did iF magazine. The Paley Center posted one video clip of the reunion, and TV Guide has several cast interviews. Someone please stake Nicholas Brandon. He’s either the most obnoxious person on the face of the earth, or doing hardcore drugs. He dresses like bum, too! I bet his mother was mortified.

This is probably old news to you, Sir, but I found this article and slideshow hilarious. When can we go?? *bounces* I’ve always had a thing for Apu…